You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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