Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Im at strip club and am horny
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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