i just made my gag reflex go away.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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