So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
