Everything about him screamed your future.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Houston, we have a blender
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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