Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
