Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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