I cockslap morals
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
