if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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