Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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