a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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