Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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