I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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