so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
