Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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