Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
