I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
