Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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