$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
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