So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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