I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
