What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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