you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
