Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
