Can Purell be used as lube?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
