Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
