my mouth tastes like poor choices
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
