a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
