im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
