where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
