Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
