i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
She swung at the pinata with crutches
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
