Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
