how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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