dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
