They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
