It's like God shit irony all over that family
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
