Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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