As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
