im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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