I can text with my tongue
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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