My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
