what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
