so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
