does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
