I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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