Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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