It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
