im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
