just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
