I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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