oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
